Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Only when you lose something, do you realize the value of it
Last weekend, I lost my hearing.
Mostly, I was alright. People treated me the same way, some forgetting that I'm temporarily deaf in my right ear. Not so different from the usual.
What was different?
When I realized how much we actually depend on our ears, to hear, to listen, to warn, to feel emotion, I felt ashamed. Ashamed of how all this time, I took my sense of hearing for granted. My sense of sight for granted. Touch, smell, talk. The smallest things in life that almost everyone takes for granted.
Having just one ear to listen to everything, it's not easy. I pretend like it doesn't bother me, but deep down, it hurts. Being different, even temporarily, even if people treat you the same way they always do.. There is always that small difference, being unable to really hear what people say, making them repeat themselves countless of times. I know that it gets irritating. I don't push my luck if I don't really hear things they say. I smile and nod, and make an assumption of what's being said from what little I hear.
I don't know if I will get my hearing back. I may or may not. But it's okay. I now appreciate what I have, or do not have. If I'm meant to be like this, it's going to be alright.
'I may be deaf in my right ear after this..'
'It doesn't change a thing, I'd love you still.'
Love makes you a strong, reliable person. I may not be able to predict the future, but right now, all I want is to be with you, someone who loves me for all my imperfections, just the way I am.
4:05 PM
All this time, you were far away.You didn't bother with me, only when I took the time to acknowledge you. I gave up because I know sometimes friendship dies off.. No matter how long it the friendship took to build and last, sometimes the distance happens a little at a time and you don't realize it. Maybe we were drifting apart all this time. I can't say its not my fault. I did try to make time for you; I talked to you, I asked about you, I even went so far as to try and spend some time with you. Maybe you didn't realize it too, but we aren't the same as we were back then.
Now, things have changed and I've changed too. I guess you have too. We had different friends but it didn't matter then. I was happy enough that you still cared about me, enough to say, 'What's up?' with that carefree attitude of yours. Everything just seems different now.
Holding that title in the rank of friends, it was something I thought of as extremely special. But no matter where I go, I see and hear people who have lost the meaning of it. I guess, at some point, our relationship dissolved as well. Keeping the facade, going through the motions. I really don't hold that special rank any more. With your words that were so caring and thoughtful, but did you actually mean any of it? Like a switch, one moment you were the old you, the next, gone with the wind.
I miss the old you.
I miss the old us.
Simple, uncomplicated.
3:36 PM
